Often, at speaking engagements, fellow moms will ask me how I managed to have a full-time career and support my son Jordan in his climb to the NFL. I am always honest; it wasn’t easy. Being a mom is a great joy, but managing a full-time job while raising kids can feel like an impossible balancing act. Juggling the demands of work and family life is even harder when you are raising an athlete with aspirations of turning pro.
While it takes real effort and a bit of strategy, it is possible to strike a balance between working, caring for your family and maintaining your own identity. Here are a few things I tell those moms who are looking to achieve their own balancing act:
First, recognize that you wear a lot of hats. You’re a mom, wife, daughter, employee, and friend, but you are still you! The opportunity to lose yourself in doing for others is enormous when you are very involved with the activities of raising and supporting your child athlete. Remember, you are a human being, not a human doing! While I am very proud to be Jordan and Dominique’s mom, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my children, I recognize that if I don’t take care of me, I won’t have anything to give them.
To find balance amidst all of my commitments, I focus on what I call the 3 P’s: Passion, Purpose and Performance. My child’s passion is athletics. My passion is supporting him and helping him succeed. When you understand your passion, you can prioritize a lot of the other things that may create an imbalance in your life. When you put a laser-like focus on that passion, it can help you eliminate distractions.
If your child is a successful athlete, he/she likely has a unique gift that is often related to his or her purpose in life. As a parent, you must acknowledge that you too have a gift and a purpose. What are your gifts? I am a businesswoman, a writer and a mentor – and that’s just in my professional life! These gifts allow me to fulfill my purpose. If you understand your passion and purpose, performance comes naturally.
A second tip that I often share is that as a mom you cannot do it all – so you must learn to say no. As a busy professional who travels weekly, I had to strike a balance of saying yes to some things but no to others. At times, I have sacrificed upward mobility in my career to spend more time with my family. You can learn to prioritize by asking the question, “Is this really important right now?” When you have competing demands, stop trying to cram everything into your jam-packed schedule; simply decline some offers. I know that for many of us that can be difficult. But it’s necessary. With our children, we often say no to things that are not in their best interests. Do the same for yourself.
Last, but certainly not least, remember to say yes – to you. Take 15 minutes each day to find some quiet time. My faith in God helps me stay balanced. For me, this is sometimes right in the middle of a crowded football stadium before a game. I close my eyes, say a prayer, and exhale, both literally and figuratively. My faith in God helps me stay balanced. It’s during these quiet moments that I feel His presence, realize that I have done all I can do at this point, and I count my blessings. I focus on what a privilege it is for me to be able to support my child and be in this remarkable position. Seeing my son run out of the tunnel from the locker room to the field is truly awesome and reminds me that it is worth all the hard work and sacrifices that I make.
I always try to do my best, but I am not supermom or super-human and neither, most likely, are you. Remember that your goal is to help your child achieve something extraordinary: becoming a professional athlete. But you won’t be able to appreciate the results or the journey if your life and priorities are out of whack. As moms, we must find ways to take care of ourselves while juggling all of the roles we play. It’s certainly easier said than done, but in the end, if your journey is anything like mine, you’ll find that it is all well worth it.