The NFL’s regular season has just wrapped up, closing out a year of challenges and controversial headlines made off the field. Incidents involving domestic violence seemed to dominate coverage of the NFL as much as the games themselves. While the media shined a spotlight on high-profile players Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice, and Greg Hardy and the domestic abuse charges against them, it felt like every week there was another scandal involving a college football player or an NFL athlete. At the same time, the NFL seemed to stumble in some of its attempts to punish the players.
Because many people know my son Jordan is a professional athlete, I’m often asked to give my opinion on these cases. As the mother of a son who’s affiliated with the league, I have strong feelings about this.
First, I believe that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Still, every time I would hear about a new controversy, I would say to myself, “NOT AGAIN!” I’d then experience a series of emotions ranging from disappointment (I just want to ask some of these players, “What are you thinking?), to frustration. But each time, I would ask myself why does this keep happening?
Some of the media coverage would have you believe that every NFL player beats his wife or kids. Clearly that is not the case. But there has not been a lot time spent getting to the root of why some athletes find themselves in situations where they lose control. In all of the discussions about WHAT’S happening, I feel that no one has stopped to ask WHY it’s happening.
Because of my son Jordan’s involvement in football, I’ve spent years around young athletes. Once they reach the professional level, I can tell you that the vast majority of them have a few things in common. They have an extraordinary work ethic, dedication, commitment, focus, vision, passion, and natural ability.
With all of that talent, you’d assume young athletes have the world at their feet. But clearly, that is not the case for all of them. Why is it that one athlete can manage a particular situation while another cannot? That’s what got me thinking about the correlation between successful athletes and emotional intelligence. I’m no psychologist, and I’m not about to bore you with a bunch of jargon. Simply put, emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, use, and manage emotions in a positive way to overcome challenges, communicate effectively, and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence impacts many different aspects of our lives, including the way we behave and interact with others. The higher your emotional IQ, the higher level of success you’ll have challenging situations.
I recently watched a webcast from the Yale University Center for Emotional Intelligence led by Marc Brachel. He uses the acronym RULER to describe the benefits of having higher emotional intelligence.
· R ecognize emotions in self and others
· U nderstanding the causes and consequences of emotions
· L abeling emotions accurately
· E xpressing emotions appropriately
· R egulating emotions effectively
We could probably eliminate a lot of the violent episodes we’ve heard so much about recently if athletes, filled with adrenaline, could regulate their emotions effectively. My hope for the future is that players will learn to train their emotional muscles as much as their physical ones. Learning self-restraint and self-awareness will come in handy both on and off the field.
I think that the NFL is committed to helping its players, families, and fans and is developing programs to stop domestic violence. Commissioner Roger Goodell has recently announced policy changes including a “more extensive” list of prohibited conduct and NFL-funded counseling and services. I think that’s a move in the right direction. The league owes it to its players and fans to put real resources into getting to the cause of these problems and helping to find solutions to them.